Erica That
can't possibly be true.
Mark It is
Erica What would
account for that?
Mark Well, first, an awful lot of people
live in China, but here's my question.How do you distinguish yourself in a
population of people who all got 1600 on their SATs?
Erica I didn't
know they take SATs in China.
Mark They don't.I wasn't talking about China anymore,I was talking
about me.
Erica You got a
1600?
Mark Yes. I could sing in an a cappella group, but I can't sing.
Erica Does that
mean you actually got nothing wrong?
Mark I could row crew or invent a $25 PC.
Erica Or you
could get into a final club.
Erica You know,
from a woman's perspective,sometimes not singing in an a cappella group is a
good thing.
Mark This is serious.
Erica On the
other hand,I do like guys who row crew.
Mark Well, I can't do that.
Erica I was
kidding.
Mark And, yes, I got nothing wrong on the test.
Erica Have you
ever tried?
Mark I'm trying right now.
Erica To row
crew?
Mark To get into a final club. To row crew? No. Are you, like,
whatever, delusional?
Erica Maybe it's
just sometimes you say two things at once. I'm not sure which one I'm supposed to be
aiming at.
Mark But you've seen guys who row crew, right?
Erica No
Mark Okay, well, they're bigger than me.They're world-class athletes.
And a second ago,you said you like guys who row crew so I assumed you had met
one.
Erica I guess I
just meant I like the idea of it. You know, the way a girl likes cowboys.
Mark Okay.
Erica Should we
get something to eat?
Mark Would you like to talk about something else?
Erica No. It's
just since the beginning of the conversation about finals club, I think I may
have missed a birthday. There are really more people in China with genius IQs
than the entire population...
Mark The Phoenix is the most diverse. The Fly Club... Roosevelt
punched the Porc.
Erica Which one?
Mark The Porcellian, the Porc. It's the best of the best.
Erica Which
Roosevelt?
Mark Theodore.
Erica Is it true that they send a bus around to pick
up girls who want to party with the next
Fed chairman?
Mark So you can see why it's so important to get in.
Erica Okay, well, which is the easiest to get into?
Mark Why would you ask me
that?
Erica I was just asking.
Mark None of them. That's the point.My friend Eduardo made $300,000 betting
oil futures one summer and Eduardo won't come close to getting in.The ability
to make money doesn't impress anybody around here.
Erica Must be nice.He made $300,000 in a summer?
Mark He likes meteorology.
Erica You said it was oil futures.
Mark You can read the weather, you can predict the price of heating oil.
I think you asked me that because you think the final club that's easiest to
get into is the one where I'll have the best chance.
Erica I... What?
Mark You asked me which one was the easiest to get into because you
think that that's the one where I'll have the best chance.
Erica The one that's the easiest to get into would
be the one where anybody has the best chance.
Mark You didn't ask me which one was the best one,you asked me which
one was the easiest one.
Erica I was honestly just asking, okay? I was just
asking to ask.
- Mark, I'm not speaking in code.
Mark Erica.
Erica You're obsessed with finals clubs.You have
finals clubs OCD and you need to see someone about it who will prescribe you
some sort of medication.You don't care if the side effect may include
blindness.
Mark Final clubs. Not "finals clubs." And there's a
difference between being obsessed and being motivated.
Erica Yes. There is.
Mark Well, you do.That was cryptic, so you do speak in code.
Erica I didn't mean to be cryptic.
Mark I'm just saying I need to do something substantial in order to
get the attention of the clubs.
Erica Why?
Mark Because they're exclusive. And fun, and they lead to a better
life.
Erica Teddy Roosevelt didn't get elected president because
he was a member of the Phoenix Club.
Mark He was a member of the Porcellian, and yes, he did.
Erica Well, why don't you just concentrate on being
the best you you can be?
Mark Did you really just say that?
Erica I was kidding.Just because something's trite doesn't
make it less true.
Mark I wanna try to be straightforward with you and tell you I think
you might want to be a little more supportive. If I get in, I will be taking
you to the events and the gatherings, and you'll be meeting a lot of
people you wouldn't normally get to meet.
Erica You would
do that for me?
Mark
We're dating.
Erica Okay.
Well, I wanna try and be straightforward with you and let you know that we're
not anymore.
Mark What do you mean?
Erica We're not
dating anymore. I'm sorry.
Mark Is this a joke?
Erica No, it's
not.
Mark
You're breaking up with me?
Erica You're
gonna introduce me to people I wouldn't normally have the chance to meet? What
the... What is that supposed to mean?
Mark Wait, settle down.
Erica What is it
supposed to mean?
Mark Erica, the reason we're able to sit here and
drink right now is 'cause you used to sleep with the door guy.
Erica "The
door guy"? His name is Bobby. I have not slept with the door guy. The door
guy is a friend of mine, and he's a perfectly good class of people.
And
what part of Long Island are you from, Wimbledon?
Mark Wait. Wait, wait.
Erica I'm going
back to my dorm.
Mark Is this real?
Erica Yes.
Mark Then wait, I apologize, okay?
Erica I have to
go study.
Mark Erica?
Erica Yes?
Mark I'm sorry, I mean it.
Erica I appreciate
that, but I have to go study.
Mark Come on, you don't have to study. Let's just
talk.
Erica I can't.
Mark
Why?
Erica Because it
is exhausting. Dating you is like dating a StairMaster.
Mark All I meant is that you're not likely to...Currently..I
wasn't making a comment on your appearance. I was saying that you go to BU. I was
stating a fact, that's all, and if it seemed rude, then I apologize.
Erica I have to
go study.
Mark You don't have to study.
Erica Why do you
keep saying I don't have to study?
Mark
'Cause you go to BU. Do you want to get some food?
Erica I am sorry
you are not sufficiently impressed with my education.
Mark And I'm sorry I don't have a rowboat, so we're
even.
Erica I think we
should just be friends.
Mark
I don't want friends.
Erica I was just
being polite. I have no intention of being friends with you.
Mark I'm under some pressure right now from my OS
class and if we could just order some food, I think we should...
Erica Okay, you
are probably going to be a very successful computer person. But you're gonna go
through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want
you to know from the bottom of my heart that that won't be true.
It'll
be because you're an asshole.